One thing I have never been in my life is a saint. Nope, not me. (I know this comes as a shocker). One thing you can guarantee that I am is honest, almost to a fault. I am one of those gals that may vent to my girlfriends about you, but if you ask me face to face my opinion you better not ask a question you don’t want to know the honest answer to.
This sometimes really doesn’t sit well with folks that don’t like people calling them on their stuff. You know, the girl that has a different face everytime she changes company. What about the girl that the only way you can tell she is being dishonest is because her mouth is open? These types of women REALLY don’t like women like me. In fact, it’s these types of toxic friendships that usually end up with me somehow being the bad guy.
If you happen to move around a lot like I do, when you tend to encounter this pattern over and over again it’s hard not to wonder if the behavior problem is yours. It can really give a girl a complex. What you have to ask yourself though is were you honest with the person about how you felt when you were asked about it. Would you say what was said in the presence of others to the person’s face? If the answer to these questions is yes, there’s not much else you can do about what people think you may or may not be saying.
For some reason a lot of women tend to love drama, and when someone gets in the way of that drama it upsets them. It causes them to find ways to take others down a peg or two. This is not a healthy relationship but a TOXIC one. If your friend doesn’t have your back regardless if you are there or not, it might be time to reevaluate that friendship. If that friend is not willing to talk to you directly about how they feel, again it might be time to find new friends.
Here’s a handy checklist if you are not sure if you are in a toxic friendship or not:
1. Puts you in an ackward position: If your friend uses your home or you as a cover for a lie, this is a big red flag that this is not a good friendship.
2. Lies to you all the time: When you can confirm that they aren’t being honest, time to get out. I am not talking the little white lies here, like if you look good in that skirt. This is for the whoppers about how she feels or where she was when she cancelled plans with you.
3. Nothing is ever their fault: If something goes awry and your friend is never willing to be open and honest about their part, someone has to take the fall, right? If they aren’t able to acknowledge their own faults, you can guarantee they have no problem spelling out yours.
4. Stories are larger than life: If she’s done everything you’ve done or been everywhere you’ve been and then some, she’s never going to let you shine. These attention mongers only have one person in their eyes, themselves. A friend like this lives off the attention and putting others down. Run. FAST.
5. Never has time for you: If your relationship is a one way street when it comes to getting together, phone calls, or events, you are NOT a priority. When you really need a friend, this kind of friend is no where to be found.
6. Always tearing other people down: When you are around your friend, are they always talking about others and tearing them down? Good people build others up, not tear them down. You can guarantee as soon as your butt hits the door, they are going to do the same to you.
These are just some signs of toxic friendships, but they aren’t always that obvious. A healthy friendship should be a two way street where both friends are equally wanting to spend time and support one another. True friends are also not threatened by others strengths or honesty, in fact they celebrate them.
It may be heard to learn to separate yourself from toxic friendships, but in the long run you will be healthier, happier, and more at peace with your life.
Have you ever had a toxic friendship? How did you let your friend know what they were doing was not ok? Did you ever have to end a friendship?
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