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When you start to thinking about kids, most of us always think we will be the cool parent. The parent that will never drive a mini van or be called a soccer mom, that’s what we thought. One of the first things that I learned when I became a parent was everything, and I mean absolutely everything I thought I knew about being a parent quickly got thrown out the window. To make matters worse, you end up saying things you never thought you would say. It’s like an alien has moved into your brain and implanted your mother or worse, your mother in law.
When my eldest daughter was little, there was definitely a moment where I said something I never thought I would say. Recently separated from my first husband, we were living at my parents’ house. My Aunt Laura was visiting from Savannah, and we were all in the living room while Keiran was “napping.” We were chatting and carrying on when I heard Keiran on the monitor. She was probably a little over a year old at the time, and definitely hadn’t been potty trained yet. As I rose to check on Keiran, Aunt Laura told me not to worry about she would check on her.
Laura had been at Keiran’s birth and she was really excited about her first great niece. That’s why she had been so eager to check on her for me. Laura hadn’t been gone for three seconds when I heard a shrill “OH…..MY………GAWD………” in her distinct southern drawl. Frightened that she found something wrong with Keiran, I raced into the other room. Panicked I flung the door open, and braced myself to see something tragic. As I pushed Laura out of the way, there was Keiran standing there butt ass naked with her diaper flung across the room and her hands covered in poop.
Oh it wasn’t just her hands, it was on her crib, all over her, and lastly all over the WALL. That’s when it left my mouth, that thing I never thought I would say as a parent, “Keiran, you can NOT paint with your poop!” And at that I swiftly, but at arms length, took my poop covered child and headed straight to the bathroom. Had I not been around family, I might’ve taken her out back and hosed her down with the hose because she was COVERED in it!
That’s the funny thing about parenting. You have to have a sense of humor and you have to try and under your kids sense of humor. Stephanie Blum of Moms Rule YouTube Channel certainly gets a sense of humor is necessary to survive parenthood, that or we might all end up in a corner rocking ourselves. Check out this cool video from her YouTube Channel. She’s so kick ass that she will also be appearing on What She Said on TLC May 10th at 11pmET/10pmCT! My friend Vera Sweeney is going to be on there too, so you know it’s an awesome show!
You know I couldn’t stop there, I collected some hilarious sayings from other parents across the world wide web. They were fun enough to share some of the things they never thought they would say as a parent check them out. It’s hilarious!
10 Things You Never Thought You Would Say as a Parent
“Please don’t put stickers on your penis again.” -Brett M.
“Don’t pick your sister’s nose” Jennifer J.
“No! Don’t eat peanuts off the toilet seat.” Lolli F.
“Get your tater tots out of your toes.” Melanie M.
“We don’t eat our toe lint.” Jillian
“Is this poop or is this chocolate?” Randa
“Don’t drink the dog water!” Heather
“Don’t use your toothbrush on your arm pits!” Christina
“No, you may not color on the cat.” Debi
“Why did you pee on your brother” Becky
and of course
“You don’t paint the walls with your poop!” Ashley
Now that you’ve heard my funnies, make sure to check out Stephanie Blum on her Moms Rule YouTube channel. You can check her out here and on her social media channels
- Moms Rule Website: http://www.momsruleshow.com/
- Stephanie Blum’s Website:http://stephanieblum.com/
- Moms Rule YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/user/MomsRuleShow
Moms Rule Twitter:
What’s the funniest thing you have said as a parent?
Heather says
Hah!
Yay you used my comment!
Maybe I’ll do a spin-off post, with my local mom’s group and get some more funnies for the list of things you never thought you’d say as a mom.
Ashley Sears says
Girl, it was hilarious! It’s too much fun not to share!
Robin Rue (@massholemommy) says
I wrote a very similar post not long ago. I have said a few of these, too.
Jennifer says
Bwahahaha! Those are hilarious. The oddest thing I’ve ever said is, “Franklin! We do NOT poop on the couch!” Franklin is one of my furry children.
Kelly Hutchinson says
Oh my goodness, I needed a good laugh today! I will admit, Brett’s comment abut the sticker on the penis got me going! I don’t have a very original one. I said to Henry when he was about 3, “No, you may not wear your sister’s bathing suite to the grocery store”
susan says
Ha ha these are hilarious! But so very true, I especially love, “Why did you pee on your brother” Becky… This has happened before! ha ha
Ashley Sears says
Whoever thought when they were pregnant they would say that to their kid right?!
Dee Mauser says
To my toddler son who recently quit wearing diapers “Let go honey. It’s still there, you don’t have to hold it” (in reference to his penis).
Crystal says
I’ve never said those exact words, but I’ve said things I couldn’t have even possibly imagined. You’ve got to have a sense of humor about parenting.
Amber Edwards says
Oh seriously some of these have come out of my mouth and I was shocked I said them! I never thought I would say them! Especially that you can’t Finger paint with poop! Oh man, that was a shocking day!
Kathy says
Some of these things are very true with my children. I’ve asked if it was chocolate or poop before. I couldn’t really tell. There are so many funny memories! Kids are so silly.
Vera Sweeney says
Oh my gosh these are to funny! I have said similar lines to my kids and later asked myself if I really said that!
Shauna says
Yup, pretty much. I am constantly telling the kids to stop trying to fart on the dogs. The best is when they replied saying that paybacks suck… LOL… the dog farted on them, LOL
Marcie W. says
These are great and I am sure I have said some wild things to my babies over the years. I do recall an in depth discussion with my son about how the dog has a weenie just like he does (and why we don’t touch it)
Liz Mays says
Haha, the things kids do… I heard about Moms Rule. She’s really funny.
Kathleen Kennedy-Leon says
what a resounding post–all things we’ve said at one time or another and thought UGH!!! too funny about the painting with poop!! we’ve all been there–thanks for a chuckle!
Tammy Roy says
I love it when my kids say such funny things. I catch myself all the time saying things i never thought i would say.
Aimee Smith says
“Please don’t clean the drain OR the garbage can with your toothbrush.” Parenthood is such an adventure!
Autumn @Mamachallenge says
There have been many things I never thought I would say until I became a parent! Looking back now, many of them have been very funny.
Jenny Temcio says
Those are hilarious! It’s hard to believe some of the things parents have to say!
Brittany @ Mom. Wife. Busy Life. says
Some of these sound familiar! Ahh, motherhood!
Michelle Cantu says
Oh this is my everyday. I have three boys and it is comical what comes out of my mouth to my boys.
Our Family World says
I am so lucky that i never had one of my kids fling their dirty diapers. Now I have enough other incidents to fill a book, but at least not that one.
Gabriel says
My wife had a son and a daughter when we got married, I had two sons that are more than ten years apart, so I don’t know that either of us was really prepared for what goes on or gets said when there are three little boys within two years of each other. We’ve said most of the stuff on the list and then some. you just never know.
Wendy @ ABCs and Garden Peas says
My husband and I have started writing ours down, too. I think our favorite is “We don’t put ninjas in our butt!”
Amy Desrosiers says
My kids are always pulling out new tricks! I feel like I say at least one of these things everyday!
Stefani Tolson says
Love your post. Being a mom of four I have had my moments.
Emily says
Just because you can stretch it doesn’t mean you should – when talking to my son!
Nancy @ Whispered Inspirations says
OMG, this is hilarious! Especially about the stickers in certain areas!
katrina g says
I have said so many things Iwould never say, like stop licking the dog lol. kids are silly.
valerie g says
there are so many time when i stop and am like, did i really just say that. kids!! lol