Grief Gets Easier They Say…

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It’s been a month since my aunt passed away. One month down and only the rest of my life to go. There’s something about losing someone you were close to that just changes something about you. You hear the cliche that “a piece of you is always missing”, and while you think you understand that idea it really doesn’t make sense until you go through it.

Going back home left me with mixed emotions. It was great to see my family again. It had been almost a decade since I had been back in Savannah, but it was also very painful. Crying all the way down to Georgia from Minnesota, was the closest thing I hope to ever experience to purgatory. It was just this numb never ending hallway. There was no feeling other than the deepest sorrow I’ve ever experienced. Just staring out the window, not wanting to speak, not wanting to breath, not wanting to eat, just being was about all I was capable of during that long twenty four hour trip.

A month later, life is still going on but there will be a song, a memory, or a idea that hits me in the stomach like an MMA fighter just punched me in my gut. This punch reminds me that even though life is going on, she is really still gone. Grief gets easier they say, but though the tears are fading does one ever really get used to those things that catch you off guard. I’ve always been easy to cry, but it’s hard to not be embarrassed when you want to break down in the middle off a store because you hear a song she used to like.

When you see messages of others that have lost loved ones, before you have been touched by grief, you might send a message sharing that you are “sorry for your loss”. You are truly sad your friend has lost someone they cared about, but you prattle out your well  meaning message and go about your life. Those that have experienced grief linger a little bit longer, and might even relive a little bit of their grief because they’ve been there. They know what it’s like to be numb and hurting inside.

Having lost my aunt, I’ve been many friends that have reached out to me that have also lost someone. Some of them have lost their parents, some have lost their siblings, or some have even aunts or uncles like me. Being their friend, I felt like I hadn’t been a good friend because I didn’t know they had gone through such a loss. Like others, I had just moved on with my life hoping that grief would never touch me. It had never really sunken in that a friend of mine had experienced such a great loss.

Each day I am thankful for all of my friends and family that have helped me get through this. Each day I just put one foot in front of the other, and for the first time in my life I am taking the time I need to heal. That’s one thing I keep hearing over and over again is to take my time. It’s ok to not bounce back right away.

The advice and support from my friends and family has meant the world to me. If you know someone that has lost someone, just take a moment from life and be there for them. This can be a kind note or offering to take them out. Don’t just drop a “sorry for your life” and move on. A simple kind task or heart felt message might just help grief get easier. Though it’s still day by day, these little shows of support gives me faith to believe them when they say it will get easier.