Dear Deadbeat Dad:
I just wanted to thank you for donating DNA to the two beautiful girls that I am blessed to have in my life, but I did want to clarify just a few points to make sure you understand your place.
Donating said DNA doesn’t make you a daddy, it makes you a DNA donor.
A daddy is someone that actually takes interest in their children’s lives. Someone that is there to hear about their joys, share their hopes, and protect them from their fears.
A deadbeat dad only cares to share in those things to make himself feel more important, or to cling on to that “father of the year” mentality that he so graciously gave himself.
Let’s talk a little bit about that term “deadbeat dad.”
Usually people think about it as someone that doesn’t pay child support, while that is certainly true, paying child support doesn’t relieve you from this title either.
Pretending to care by calling on birthdays, not remembering how old your children are, or what grades they are in qualifies you for this title too! Breaking the hearts of the children that, for a time, so dearly wanted nothing more than your attention makes you a dead beat dad. Lest us not kid yourself otherwise.
Now that we have that all clarified, I just have a few questions for you.
First of all, when do you think it’s going to hit you that it’s really not necessary for you to call your children on Father’s Day.
They are of the age that if they wanted to call you, trust me, they would.
There were years that the girls loved making you cards, sending you letters, and calling your phone, but I am afraid those times have passed.
Those times have been squashed by all the things you promised and didn’t deliver. All the times you “meant” to call, but didn’t. Let’s not forget all those times that you forgot to ask anything about what might be going on in your children’s lives.
Don’t you worry your pretty little head though.
Your daughters are doing fine.
They are turning into amazingly strong, vibrant young women. They truly would make you proud at how they have learned to be honest and live with integrity.
They have also learned what a family is, and what a family isn’t. They’ve learned to be brave admist a life of heartbreak, and that they deserve only the best despite what some may give them.
You can actually be proud and take credit for most of these lessons, for they learned them from you. They’ve learned them from watching how you don’t live and what you are not.
They’ve learned these traits and how to stay strong despite them. For this, we all thank you. It has made the girls better people, and stronger each and every day.
So while you are reading this I truly hope that you know they are ok, and have a family by their side. We hope that one day you get to see just how being a deadbeat dad can change a child’s life.
Sincerely,
The Mother of your Children
Jodi Horsley says
I am the daughter of a dad who was a deadbeat. I’m sorry.
Crunchy Frugalista says
Jodi, You are just proof that kids can survive this 🙂
Jill says
AWESOME! Their are a lot of “dad’s” that need to see this 🙂
Crunchy Frugalista says
Hopefully they will 🙂
Debi@ The Spring Mount 6 Pack says
I am a daughter of a dead beat dad too. He choose a new wife and her kids. It can be hard, but your girls will be ok.
Crunchy Frugalista says
Debi, so sorry to hear the choice your dad made. I really shake my head at parents that can do that.
Rose McLendon says
This is a great letter and there are sadly too many fathers out there in this world like this dad. That being said… from my own experience this is my advise. If your child is young and they don’t have both parents in their lives. No matter how bad their dead beat dad is. Your child should never hear out of your mouth that he is a dead beat dad and what a scum bag that he is. Reason being… when you put down their dad you are putting down half of them. Sadly, being young and dumb, I made that mistake. You have to love your kids more than you hate their dead beat dad. Hate and trash their dads to your friends and family but not your young children. They will grow up one day and know for themselves! I pray that I don’t offend anyone with my comment.
Crunchy Frugalista says
Sissy, that is good advice. My girls and I talk about how they feel about their dad. They know we don’t get along and as they have gotten older they have been allowed to come to their own conclusions. Thanks so much for sharing a valuable lesson you learned.
Laura says
There’s also ALOT of mothers out there this could be applied too . . .
Crunchy Frugalista says
That is absolutely true, Laura. My son’s bio mom is a perfect case of that, which is why I made sure to adopt him this year 🙂
shaun says
i love the letter but also want to state that it does not only affect the children of the dead beat dad but also that childs child and so on until some one stops the cycle it is hard but it is possible.
I remember when i was 13 and rung my very own dead beat dad and balled my eyes out telling him my feelings on his actions but unfortunatly it takes some longer to learn than others.
It took my dear sweet mother getting cancer for my dead beat dad to remember that i was his son aswell not just the 3 that lived with him.
But in some cases they need that push to jolt them into reality
Crunchy Frugalista says
Shaun, that is so true. So many people are affected when parents aren’t responsible for the wonderful children they bring into this world. I hope things became better with you and your dad since then. If not, the cycle will definitely stop with you. 🙂
Colleen says
So true! Don’t have to acknowledge them but they could at least consider the fact that they are still alive. My godly what a shame deadbeats are. I love my children & will never give up on them.
Maryn Colborn says
i am 16 years old-
i actually finally got the courage to hand write a letter to my deadbeat dad on his birthday and mailed it to him. that was on April 25th 2018. at the end of the letter i wrote
” im tired of fighting for your attention, for once, i want to be fought for.. It’s your turn.
With or without you, im going to achieve all the goals i have set.
You are losing me, and if you still want me, than you better do something before im lost
Someday you’ll realise the damage you’ve caused
No more tears, because i didn’t lose you, you lost me. ”
“if you want to make an effort to fix us, and be in my life this is your last chance. you have 1 month after that deadline im done… we will talk about it in person ”
i am currently waiting for some type of response back.
thank you for sharing your letter with us. it made me feel like i wasnt the only one going thru this.
–M 04/29/18
Ash Sears says
Maryn,you are so brave to share this. Know that you are awesome, worthy, and deserving!