Death of a Broomskirt

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When I opened my eyes today, I never thought I would look death straight in the face. Never did it cross my mind that I would lose a loyal, faithful friend. Couldn’t imagine today would be the day I saw the death of a broomskirt.

Ours was a short, yet passionate friendship. We met in Minnesota and spent many warm summer days together before it’s untimely death. It comforted me, kept me warm, and stood by my side. That was until, today…

Wore my faithful broomskirt to the farmers’ market today. It is my good luck skirt so always makes me feel more farmerish. It’s comfortable but chic, light but covering. After the market today, I arrived home to find a package on my door. Never would I have guessed, this package held the infinite doom of my favorite broomskirt.

My yard has many trees in it. There have been many hours of back breaking labor trying to clean it up. When we moved in  it was a frosty January morning, and all of the foliage from the previous fall still lain on the ground. Most of the winter and spring was spent raking and raking and raking. It wasn’t until today I bought something that I deemed useful, but never did I figure this usefulness would equal the death of a broomskirt.

I opened the shiny brown box and with eyes a glow took my new prize in my hands. Yes, yes this is exactly what I needed to make my yard work less strenuous. No more long back breaking hours would I spend raking those enormous piles of leaves.

Excited to test drive this new found joy, I went to the garage to get the extension cord and power up this tool that would save my back. Then off I pounced to take on the leaves.

This new contraption brought power to my hands. It turned leaves and twigs into dust. Nothing could stand in my way, nothing except the death of a broomskirt. I was two bags of leaves into using this wonderful delight when I noticed my skirt flirting carelessly close to this loud machine. Not wanting harm to my beloved skirt, I tucked it into my shorts I adorned under it. Thus, I continued to show the chaotic yard who was queen of the roost.

As I smiled with glee at the progress made, I lost sight of something that could’ve saved my broomskirt today. I was swishing and blowing and crushing through the yard, and as I hunkered behind bushes I didn’t know my skirt had become undone. This was the final breath my skirt would take. It’s ultimate doom lay just upon the horizon.

After turning from the last pile, and moving on to the next I felt a giant swish and look down in abject horror. My skirt had run astray, it had met it’s demise. The beast had taken it into it’s jaws and it was forever gone. Yes, my friends my skirt got eaten by my brand new leaf blower!

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. This couldn’t be true! Though I adored this skirt, this tragedy wasn’t the thing that was crossing my mind. Not at all. It was the fact that I refused, I positively refused, to let my husband see me like this. Leaf blower in one hand and skirt sucked up in the other. I couldn’t have cared less about the fact that I might’ve broken a brand new leaf blower. I was NOT going to give Mr. Crunchy the satisfaction of catching me in such a precarious situation. No doubt the pictures of this would end up all over cyber space. I grimaced at the horror of my debacle making YouTube glory! (Though I guess I should be thankful I had pants on underneath and at least my butt wasn’t hanging out for the world to see.)

Though I did have to say goodbye to a good friend today, I have to say a lesson was learned. Girls, always read instructions first. (The warning against loose clothing could’ve prevented this tragic death) And if you feel like a bad ass when wielding power tools always remember this in a fight between a leaf blower and a broomskirt: the leaf blower always wins.

R.I.P. Broomskirt March 2012- June 6, 2012