The last two weeks have been absolutely fricking nuts, and quite frankly I don’t even KNOW where to start. If you’ve been following along, the saga began with yet another unexpected hospitalization at the Mayo Clinic followed by a house full of mold and a move in less than seven days. This was probably the worst possible week to move because we also had four doctors appointments between family members this week as well.
I will hang my head in Crunchy shame because it’s been forever since I’ve gotten my physical blood work done. Even before all this moving and hospital mess, I had decided to suck it up and head to the doctor. Everything came back like I expected it to, but I was surprised to find out that my late night cheeseburger habit might be catching up with. My cholesterol was elevated. OH BOY. Mr. Crunchy is gonna have fun with this one.
The irony of all this is I am always on him about going to the doctor and getting his cholesterol checked because the men die young on his side. He has been giving me such CRAP about this because I am actually the one with cholesterol problems. Needless to say there will be a blog series about getting off your ass and giving up the junk food. (Stay tuned)
After the doctors are all done, I am so happy to report we are finally 100% out of the moldy house. Yeah, party over here a party over there. It was a bitch to get everything out. We have some amazing friends that helped to move us on Saturday. Everything was going hunky dory until it decided to fricking rain, and when I say rain I mean torrential flash flood pour. As if that wasn’t fantastic enough, I drove ahead of the moving truck to drive the kids and the dogs up to the new house.
The landlord of the new house was waiting for us at the new house, and I wanted to get the dogs in the house and in their crates. Racing between buckets of water (aka rain) I grabbed the crates and ran back in the house. No sweat. I grew up down South we are used to this kinda rain. Well, when I went back to the car to get the dogs out, the car was LOCKED. Here I am out in the pouring rain, with the kids looking out the windows like “WHAT? It’s locked? Where’s the lock?”
As I am taking a shower in the middle of the street, the kids are blindly fumbling around our new car trying to find out how to unlock the door, as I am screaming “it’s in the middle.” Keiran must have reached on every part of the steering column instead of IN THE MIDDLE console where the unlock button was. By the time she opened the door, even my underwear wear dripping with water. (She probably took a minute longer because she was afraid her imminent death was near if she unlocked that door) I am happy to report that all kids, dogs, and underwear did survive this incident though.
Once I rang out the underwear, and got the boxes in the house that’s when the fun started to begin. You see our landlord was still in the process of cleaning his stuff out of the house. When he was showing us around, I noticed what looked like a penile shaped object in the garbage (and chocked up it to my perveted mind), but we went more and more through the house I was beginning to wonder what exactly I would find next. So let’s take inventory, we found all this “fun” in here:
- a BDSM cock decoration
- what looked to be a glass butt plug
- a feather boa, little black dress, and leather trench coat
- and a brown baggie filled chocolate, banana, cola, and vanilla flavored condoms (taste the rainbow anyone?)
- gay porn magazine
Needless to say we’ve thoroughly been going through the house to make sure that nothing else is to be found, but don’t people know that you bag the kink up FiRST?! You don’t want your great aunt Matilda finding your stash when she’s helping you move or something. Trust me, my stash was the FIRST thing to go. (Did have a mild panic moment when I couldn’t find it unpacking, crisis has been averted though)
If you haven’t guessed the month of May/June needs a total do over. It’s been such a dramafest I am surprised Lifetime movie channel isn’t calling me for the movie rights. A hospitalization, unexpected move, death in the family, and unexpected porn stash sounds like a made for TV movie if I’ve ever heard one. You never know, next time you check in you just might be seeing me on the silver screen. Until next time.
Miranda Sherman says
hahaha can you say eviction sex orgy party?! On a more serious note, glad you guys were able to find a new place quickly to avoid any major reactions, your poor little girl has been through enough! Isn’t it crazy how the storms work in Minnesota?!