It was a great day out today, so I figured my eldest daughter and I would take a walk. Clouds and rain have been around for the last few days, and I have been itching to “strut the boot” as my kids call it. Walking is much more comfortable in my walking boot still, and I walk farther. Off on our merry way we went.
Mom, I Have Something To Tell You
Arm in arm we went off on our journey. When we started out, I had no idea that my daughter would be sharing something with me something that most parents wouldn’t know how to react. As we rounded the last corner on our blustery walk my daughter asked me to stop. She turned to me and said, “Mom, I have something to tell you….”
A phrase like this can bring fear and trepidation in the hearts of many parents. Luckily, I know she wasn’t pregnant so that worry was out of the window, but she just stood there not sure if the words were going to come to her.
Keiran and I have a very close relationship and she knows she can tell me anything. She’s always just been a really shy and awkward child (her words, not mine). Explaining herself or her feelings has not always come easily.
We stood there what felt like an hour with her shuffling her feet and not spitting anything out. Finally she mumbled, “Mom, is it ok if I like girls more than guys?” Then it hit me. My daughter was asking me if it was ok if she might be gay.
Mom, I Think I Am Gay
Being a more liberal family, and completely ok with marriage equality, I always wondered if I would feel the same way if one of my children decided he or she was gay. Well after processing what she said. It didn’t even phase me. I thought she was going to tell me she had stolen something or killed a small animal, but gay? This mom is totally ok with it.
How did I react? I guess I really didn’t. I kind of felt like when I found out Keiran was partially deaf. She has known all along. It was the rest of us that were just catching up to speed.
In our house, love is love. I don’t care if Keiran is gay, bi, transgendered, or purple spotted. We might have discussed small children and animals being where I set my limits, but what can you say I have a sick sense of humor.
Of course after she told me, I asked her permission to share this with you guys just on chance some of you out there have a child that is gay come out and not sure how to handle it. Though it was hard for her to say it out loud she was really open to sharing her story.
We’ve already discussed if we should tell family members before we posted this on the blog, and then we got to thinking. If she was straight, would you call the family and say “hey guys, she’s straight.” Nope, you wouldn’t. So, we are sharing this to help other families, but it’s still Keiran’s decision to speak with our other family members about if/when she feels the time is appropriate.
Keiran wanted to share some tips for parents and kids to have the same conversation we just had. We hope it helps you and your child understand each other.
How to Talk to Your Kid(Parents) About Being Gay
1. Listen: Parents make sure to listen to what your kids have to say. It takes a lot of bravery to share such personal information.
2. Ask Questions: If you don’t understand what your child means, don’t be afraid to ask questions. (Remember they are probably just as confused as you, so ask nicely)
3.Let Your Child Know You Love Them: Regardless of the stance on the issue, reassure your child that you love them. They are going to need some place they know they can get unconditional love.
4. Find support: Research local agencies that support gay and lesbian kids and their families. They might be able to help answer questions neither one of you can. Plus it’s a great place to meet kids and families that are like yours.
5. Let Your Child Lead the Way: This is something that is deeply personal. Ask your child if it’s ok to share, or let them take the initiative to share with friends and family.
Sandy VanHoey says
All I can say is our children are our children. If they are straight, gay, whatever it may be…we love them the same in the end. As long as she is happy, that’s all that really matters in my opinion. I have always been open with my children and wanted them to be able to come to me with anything and apparently, you are as well. She knew that and although tough for her to spit it out, she did and she most likely feels a bit burden off her shoulder.
Cody says
This makes my heart so happy. Way to go, mom! 🙂
Michelle Tucker says
I’m so glad she had someone to talk to about this that she trusts. Awesome job, momma. And way to go, Keiran for allowing your story to be shared so others might benefit from it. I know it’s probably very hard to “come out” and you are applauded for being you instead of hiding who you are.