You know those moments as a mom when you can’t breath? Your heart is going a million miles per hour, but time seems to be standing still. You’re frantic and not sure what to do next. All there is to do is to hope to those upstairs that there is a happy outcome. I recently had one of those moments in my life. All thanks to the Internet.
My 14 year old daughter has been really into Anime culture, and ever since we have had a problem with her listening to boundaries about what sites she can go on. We had sit down talks with her. We grounded her from the Internet for a while. I thought the situation had all been resolved, but I was sadly mistaken.
Don’t get me wrong. My 14 y/o daughter is a very good kid. I am blessed that she still seems to be a “normal” kid when all of her peers are growing up way too quickly, but at the same time this is something that caused her to make a huge mistake.
Recently, my daughter has become a member on a website called DIY.org. It’s a great kids only website that allows kids to make and share projects to earn “badges” in various categories. Kids have to have parent permission to use the site, and the moderators even screen the kids’ comments to make sure they are being friendly. It’s a great site.
My daughter met a few girls on the site that also had a love for Anime, and they became quick friends. Well, unbeknowst to me, they agreed to start chatting off of the site using another program. These “girls” arranged to meet my daughter so they can get to know each other.
Last week, my daughter started acting a little bit funny. She was asking to go to the library, but she was insistent about the day that we went. I found it odd, but shrugged it off.
Our plans ended up changing, and we weren’t able to make it to the library. Instead, the kids headed to the park, and oddly enough Keiran actually wanted to go. That right there should’ve cued me in, because she never goes to the park with her siblings. She’s usually holed up in her room reading (at least that’s what I was always told she was doing).
It began to rain, and my husband decided to bring the kids home early. Keiran seemed distraught. Something was clearly wrong, but she really didn’t want to talk about it. After a few minutes, she began to open up. What she told me next had me in full panic.
She told me about the girls on DIY and how they became fast friends, but then she told me they had agreed to meet at the library. That’s why she wanted to go that particular day. When our plans changed, she agreed to meet them at the park by our house.
My ears were ringing. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Hadn’t we taught her about the dangers of the Internet? Hadn’t we talked for hours and hours about why she shouldn’t be so trusting?
My daughter had not only chatted with someone on the Internet, but she had arranged to MEET them. How could this be happening? I felt like I was watching a made for TV movie except it was happening in real life. Not my daughter! We had done everything we were supposed to as parents. How could this be happening?
Luckily, our story has a happy ending on two different levels because I was able to find out about this before my daughter met random strangers from the Internet, and also that the two girls did turn out to be amazingly nice. (We met them AFTER meeting their parents in person)
I am not sharing this to scare you guys, but to make you aware even if you are doing all the things you should be as a parent sometimes kids still make stupid mistakes that scare the life out of you.
Make sure that you are having those conversations and are clear that you will be looking into your kids Internet connections and emails. Our jobs as parents is to keep them safe! Don’t let them take smart phones, iPods, or computers in their room. Make them use them in open, public places. It’s a little extra effort, but it just might keep your kids from making mistakes that could cost them their lives.
Heather Roberts says
It’s amazing that your story has a happy ending. When I was a teen I had an online relationship with a man I believed to be a few years older than myself. My best friend introduced me to him and told me she’d met him in person, that he used to live here and that his parents split up and he moved to Canada with his mother. He kept promising to come down, but things kept happening to set his plan back. That should have been a huge clue but it wasn’t. We were planning to move in together when I graduated high school. We spoke on the phone many times, these were the days before skype and internet security were a big issue with parents. Most people didn’t even own digital cameras yet, texting hadn’t even been invented. He had nearly convinced me to move to Canada when my little brother decided to get involved and check him out. Come to find out he was in his 50’s, and was carrying on multiple online “relationships” including posing as a girl. The Royal Canadian Mounted Police had received several complaints but there was no law to charge him with a crime. This man nearly lured me to another country. Granted I would have never been so dumb if my friend hadn’t told me that she had known him before he moved. I’m not sure why she lied to me about the circumstances. I am a very cautious person more so now… if it could happen to me BELIEVE ME it can happen to your children.
Ashley Sears says
I am so glad your story had a happy ending too! Too often things like this don’t have a happy ending. Thanks so much for sharing your story, so others can see that it’s not just my family that have been/could’ve been affected by these kinds of things.
Megan says
The advice you give at the end is exactly why kids hide these things from their parents and why your daughter went behind your back to meet those girls at the park. Do you really think that checking your kids’ emails and internet history is going to keep them from chatting/arranging to meet with strangers from the internet? Have you even heard of deleting browsing history?
Your kids are SO much better than you at using computers, and you are absolutely naive to think that not letting them use phones in their room (hellooo, they’ll just wait until they’re at school to text/talk to people?!) or invading their internet and emails is going to “keep them safe.” All it does is make them resent you, and make them more likely to do “stupid” things in the future. Wake up. The internet is a bigger part of your kids’ lives than you can even imagine, and you’re going to need to earn THEIR trust if you want them to be honest about what kinds of things they do, or what kinds of people they talk to, on the internet. These things are going to happen whether you like it or not, and it’s your job to make them feel safe enough to talk to you about their internet usage.
Ashley Sears says
Megan, Always happy to hear the other side but while you may view me as one of “those” moms that snoops I don’t snoop. The kids and I have had an open conversation about Internet use and how we will be reviewing how they use it, and will have passwords at all times. I do trust my kids that is why for the most part I don’t normally check up on them unless things aren’t adding up. If you were a regular reader of the blog, you would realize that I homeschool and my kids don’t sneak talk/text at school. Frankly, even if I didn’t homeschool my child wouldn’t have a cell phone at school.
My daughter is incredibly shy, and truly didn’t think she was doing anything wrong. She was too trusting and knew in her heart these people were who they said they were. While I appreciate your opinion, I don’t think that parents should live with the excuse that “the internet is a bigger part of your kids’ lives than you can imagine.” That doesn’t resolve us to set idly by while kids use the Internet against the wishes of their parents. Thanks for the comment.