I read a post a week ago that was talking about how much people give way too much of a crap about what others think. (The posts was aptly titled The Art of Not Giving a F*ck) As I sit here waiting for a plane to head back home, that idea really resonates with me. Why are we so obsessed with making ourselves miserable on the idea that others might be judging us or expect us to be something we aren not?
You guys know I am not an average chick. I’m quirky, I’m a smart ass, I’m the “good kind” of crazy. That has definitely acquired me quite a few (ok way more than a few) people that don’t get me and/or don’t like me. In yesteryear this would’ve bothered me immensely, but you know what? I’ve been a work in progress and have at least acquired my purple belt in not giving a crap what other people think. (Not quite black belt, but getting there)
There’s been so many bad toxic friendships in my life I could probably could write an epic novel. There’s so much material because I grew up thinking that I didn’t deserve better. That if they were unhappy with me it must’ve been something I’ve done.
Does this sound familiar? There’s so many of us that just settle for unhealthy relatonshiops just to fll the void. We make excuses for people treating us poorly, and justifiy why someone acts harshly towards us even though it’s a pattern not just a one time thing. Do you think they justify our behavior the same? You and I both know the answer to that question.
Think about it. The average person fills their lives with “have tos” living very little time to do things that actually make them happy. They scream at themselves that they are selfish if they even think about having some me time or goodness forbid say the deserve better. There’s so much go, go, go, and not as much stop, silence, and celebration.
Why is it that we fill our lives with people that don’t really have our backs at the end of the day? Why do we settle for relationships that really aren’t that healthy? Why do we make excuses and justify why others treat us like crap?
You want the answer? It’s not a sweet one, it’s because WE. PUT. UP. WITH. IT. That’s not from a place of judgement, because peeps you KNOW I’ve been there. (A post about toxic friendships has some strong roots in crap I went through) That’s why I want to shake you about the virtual shoulders and wake you up. Life is too short is not a cliché, ok well maybe it is, but it’s not inaccurate. We get one round in this rodeo. We might as well spending with the hot cowboy that treats us like a queen than with the bull that’s angry and gonna kick our ass.
In my life, I don’t have a lot of friends, but you know what? The ones I do have are gems. They show me the loyalty that I would show them, and they accept me for me. Quirks and all (it makes me fun to take to parties).
As I get older, there’s just more time to reflect about all the time I’ve given away to people that haven’t been worthy of me or my time. The memories of all the tears shed over lost friendships when I knew they didn’t know the true definition of friend.
It’s times like the week where I’ve met some amazingly upbeat and sweet group of Canadians that drive home that people deserve awesome. They need to stop settling for ok. Awesome attact awesome, which is never a bad thing. This week was filled with laughter, new friends, and amazing foods. Things that are some of the biggest things that SHOULD matter in life. With as little time as we have in our lives, why would you want to accept anything less?
It’s high time that you take inventory of your life. You are too awesome to spend your heart and soul on people that just aren’t worthy. When’s the last time you’ve really looked at your relationships to see does being with that person really make you happy. Do they love you for who you are? Are they not afraid to be bluntly honest with you? Do they put as much ffort into seeing you as you do them? If you can answer yes to most of those questions, it’s time to start questioning their place.
You are so much more than you give yourself credit for. You are amazing, You are epic. Rather than fearing being alone ll the time, it’s time to realie if you are surrounded by faux friends then you are already alone.
James Robert says
These are some great quotes and very much true. It is negativity that will bring us down, something we do not need
Ashley Sears says
Thanks, James. Negativity is contagious, but I still think that positivity is even more viral!
Robin Rue (@massholemommy) says
There are a lot of negative people out there and they have brought me down before. It’s sad, but they do make everyone around them miserable.
Jacqui says
I love the idea of raising the rent to negative people. I need to get a lot of negative people out of my life.
Maria says
Great quotes!! When we surround ourselves with negativity, it is hard to fight it from entering our own lives.
Dawn says
It’s so important to keep toxic people out of your life. They can infect everything you do!
Jennifer says
I’ve had toxic friends in my life that I had to leave behind. It was painful, but I just couldn’t drag them around any more.
Ashley S says
Love these quotes! So true 🙂
Tammi @ My Organized Chaos says
I nodded my head through this entire post, word for word. ** clapping **
Jenna Wood says
I’m a firm believer, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Unfortunately, not everyone can do that, in fact, some people have ONLY negative things to say- it’s important to realize only we have the power to choose what we decide to really hear.
Ann Bacciaglia says
I love these quotes. It is important to surround yourself with positive people. Don’t let other people bring you down.
Amber Edwards says
I think media plays a big role in why we put up with toxic relationships. We see all around us that a happy successful woman is surrounded by lots of people. Is popular. And how do you become poppular? You have everyone like you. You care about what people think. You put up with toxic relationships because you feel you NEED at least Someone there. If we can overcome the idea that we have to have everyone like us, then we are better able to weed out the toxic relationships and focus more on cultivating healthy and deep relationships with the few people who will truly benefit our lives.
Kelly Hutchinson says
I love the quote about raising the rent and kicking negative people out of your head. Sadly, I just did that with my two sisters about a year ago. It was painful but necessary.
Crystal says
I’m trying to share this message with my daughter, but it’s so hard when you’re young to be willing to step away from relationships. I would rather be alone than brought down by friends.
Mama to 5 BLessings says
It is funny you wrote this because I have cut out a few relationships the last few years that were damaging to me and toxic. I think it’s OK to do this and evaluate the people in your life.
Chelley @ A is For Adelaide says
This is such a great pst. I think we often keep people in our lives and want to help them, but the truth is, we have to rid ourselves of the poison!
Liz Mays says
It’s awesome when you find the perfect group community of friends. It can be hard to distance yourself from toxic relationships.
Kathleen Kennedy-Leon says
I would so agree with your assessment that people don’t deserve so much space in your heart or life if they are negative. If they aren’t paying your bills, then you don’t owe them anything at all–Count your blessings each day with those who are really there for you no matter what comes your way!
Kristin Wheeler (Mama Luvs Books) says
Very good advice! I don’t have time for negative and toxic people in my life either! Too draining! Life is too short!
Autumn @Mamachallenge says
I love those quotes! It is important to surround yourself with positive people who only lift you up!
Tammilee Tips says
I have gotten rid of quite a few toxic relationships in the past couple years! It can be the best thing to do and it is so freeing when they are out of your life.
Donna Ward says
Hi Ashley, Great post and so true – wonderful posts that I’ll be sharing – and when, if, someone in my life is negative I talk with them about it – or I let them go – it’s a choice to live happily
Dee Mauser says
Sadly I have a lot of “toxic” people in my family right now (on my hubby’s side as well) and it’s very hard to be happy around these people. I’m to the point that I’m weighing my options and thinking about distancing myself from them because I suffer from severe depression, anxiety and panic attacks and I can’t handle them.
Debbie says
What a great read. I’ve seen quite a number of people “weeding out” their relationships on social media so that they can focus on their families and remove the negativity from their lives. The news is bad enough these days, we don’t need negative people in our lives as well.
Ronni says
This is a great post Ashley!! You know me and I don’t put up with other people’s BS for more than a hot minute. But it took me awhile and a few good knocks to learn that.
You are for sure ‘a good kind of crazy’… 😉
Amy Desrosiers says
I have cut a ton of toxic people out of my life and live better than ever now. I can’t stand negative people!
Andrea Kruse says
Fabulous quotes! I need to put these up around my office and craft space. I still pay way too much attention to the looks and comments from others.
Nancy @ Whispered Inspirations says
When I cut out the toxic people in my life, I was the happiest that I’ve ever been. No one has the time to be weighed down with people like that.
Patti says
It’s true that we seem to be punishing ourselves by keeping people around us that make us feel bad about ourselves. People who are not loyal and really don’t give a crap about you. It seems they love when bad things happen to us and want to see us fail. I have wasted my life and can now see that there was in fact potential for so much more. There are no take backs or do overs, this is it. Now all i have to do is live with myself. I want to die, I am not suicidal i have no desire to kill myself but wish it was over. The real punishment is knowing day after day that this is all your life will be.
Ashley Sears says
Patti, Big hugs! One of the absolute hardest lessons to learn is it is NOT our fault for not seeing the deceptions and lack of loyalty in friends and family members we have let use us over the years. I know for me, that was one of the absolute hardest lessons to get into my head. For years, I felt like “how did I NOT see that!” when I was being used or someone was truly just being cruel behind my back. That is their fault NOT yours. You are right, you can’t change the past, but you can treat yourself with kindness and pledge to take care of yourself from here on out. Learn from the patterns that those friends and family members had who weren’t good to you and try not to repeat them in new friends. It is NEVER too late to turn your life around, and it all starts with learning to be kinder to yourself first. Personally, counselling was an amazing way that helped me cope throughout the years. Here is a great resource if you ever feel like you need to chat with a professional https://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/
Patti says
Thank you for your kind words Ashley. I read my comment and the word emo came to mind. I had to laugh as I’ve always considered myself an optimist. I truly believe positive attitude attracts positive energy. I am in a rut in my life and feel unbalanced. Things are out of whack, but it is true things can change. I can change. I know what I have to do. No one is indispensable in life my mom says and its true. Now to just do it lol.
Ashley Sears says
You’re a rock star Patti! We all have those days when we are down in the dumps. I have faith that you will figure things out, and get back on the track to finding yourself again.