“What’s wrong with your face?”
“Did someone get into the poison ivy?”
“Oh no, what happenned?”
Sounds like something some uncouth kid might say, right? Nope, these are questions asked by grown adults. These questions were asked by adults about a child, my child, right in front of her face.
While helping me at the farmer’s market today, my daughter, Bayla, had three “adults” ask her about her face and then again when we went to pick up pizza at Little Caesars. What in the heck were these people thinking? Could you imagine walking up to an adult and asking them what’s “wrong” with their face? In some twisted way, I am sure these people meant to come from a place of concern, but when does satisfying your morbid curiosity become more important than honoring feelings of a child.
My beautiful daughter Bayla has been suffering from severe skin conditions all of her life. Unfortunately, in October of last year, her skin went from bad to worse when she developed psoriasis. Her skin is hot, inflamed and itchy everywhere. There are some days she can’t even manage to pull herself out of bed because she scratched all night and didn’t sleep. Almost every day of her life is full of pain, and once a week that pain includes shots in her tummy to try and get her skin to feel better. She musters all of her strength to get through it all and not feel sorry for herself.
She is the most beautiful little soul in the world, and most people couldn’t imagine the pain she lives with on a daily basis. So why should she have to worry about going out in public and getting teased.
Because her condition is on her face, we have talked about kids saying mean things. I have to admit that she was ill prepared for the questions she faced today. It didn’t even cross my mind that adults would be stupid enough to say the awful things that she heard today. Frankly, I was speechless that not one but FOUR people asked her this over the course of the day.
Each time Bayla was asked about her face she very calmly explained that she has psoriasis and that there is nothing wrong with her face. I was very proud, but it’s rather pathetic that a 9 year old can handle herself with more grace than people that are old enough to know better.
After a long hard day she had today, Bayla turned to me and said, “Mommy, you know what? I know what I am going to say next time someone asks me what is wrong with my face. I will say I have psoriasis and the doctor is going to fix my face, but you can’t fix stupid.”
Oh, out of the mouth of babes!
jodi lasher says
Some people have no common sense and are just downright rude.. Your daughter is beautiful and i give her great props for smiling.. Apparently those adults parents never taught them any darn manners… Wishing your daughter the best of luck and hope things start looking up for her.. xoxo
Rose Garten says
I was thinking an equally concerned (and condescending) statement of “I have psoriasis. What’s wrong with your manners?”
Crunchy Frugalista says
That’s a good one. She might add that to her roladex for next time. haha
Debi@ The Spring Mount 6 Pack says
I can’t believe an adult would be so insensitive, no matter what they thought was the issue, because even if it was something simple, like poison ivy, it doesn’t mean she wants it pointed out for everyone to look at. Would the adult want her to point out their wrinkles or gray hairs!
Your daughter is such a beautiful little girl, who seems like she handles herself with great poise, and honestly, I love her comment back, You can’t fix stupid. Your little girl is a very strong girl and she rocks!
Crunchy Frugalista says
I think she rocks too! She wanted to say thank you for your kind comment.
tammy says
Hey.. I am so sorry this happened to Bayla! I understand how she feels [and you as a mother] . When I was her age I had very severe psoriasis as well. I itched constantly, and wore pants most of the summer because I would scratch so much that my legs would look awful . I didn’t have it on my face too badly, but arms , legs, head – all were awful. I remember being in tears sometimes because I had scratched so much. The kids at school were sometimes extremely mean, but I could never imagine an adult being so brazen to a child. I outgrew most of my condition by the time I was 12 . Mom was always getting me special lotions, medicines, etc. I remember the best things that worked for me at healing and soothing were iodine on the bad spots [even if it did look ewwy when it dried], oatmeal baths [aveeno] and pure Vaseline before bed. She would have me wear socks on my hands at bedtime so that I wouldn’t be able to scratch so much in my sleep [that’s when it was the worst] and T-Gel shampoo worked wonders for my scalp . I hope she outgrows her condition too, and I hope she doesn’t have to endure alot of tears because of it
Crunchy Frugalista says
This means so much to my daughter to hear from someone that suffered from psoriasis too. She sleeps with socks on her hands and during the day wears cute knee high socks to keep her from itching. You give her hope 🙂
Liz says
You are so right, you can’t fix stupid!
mary woollard says
Your daughter Bayla is a very beautiful young lady!
I cannot believe how rude and inconsiderate some people are. Sorry she had to experience it, but Im glad to hear that she commented the way she did. I hope it made them think twice about the rude way they asked. But, knowing how people just dont seem to care or have respect anymore, they probably didnt think twice about it.
I have a 15 yr old daughter that had a golfball sized tumor removed from the base of her skull, behind her jawbone and she has a scar from the top of her hairline on the right side all the way down her neck to her collarbone…shes had the scar 5 years now…so, we know exactly how you both feel.
Take care 🙂
Crunchy Frugalista says
Mary, I am glad to hear that your daughter is doing ok after her surgery. I am sure she is a beautiful and strong girl because of having such a great mom! We just need to teach the girls they rock and to remain strong even in the face of stupid!
Holly says
She is so pretty! And I bet it is very painful to have psoriasis. I am sure you have had her tested for everything, but my kids have celiacs, and when we switched them off gluten and other foods that were hard on them, their skin conditions cleared up. Maybe she has some obscure allergy? Maybe it is nothing. Either way, tell her way to go for being so calm and patient and awesome about handling what moron adults said to her.
Crunchy Frugalista says
Thanks for the ideas Holly. She has tons of food and environmental allergies. We had them all under control until this psoriasis outbreak, and can’t quite figure it out yet. Bless your kids hearts. Celiac disease is really hard to adjust your diet too.
Pam says
I am so sorry this happened. I can’t imagine people, especially adults, doing this. Sometimes people don’t think before they speak. 🙁
Laurie says
Hey Bayla,
You’re right… they can’t fix stupid!
People often say things without thinking. They probably don’t mean to be offensive, but that is exactly what it is.
They could ask instead, what is RIGHT with you and your face? From what I understand, you’re pretty, and have an awesome smile, and a great attitude (even though you have many challenges). Your mom is very proud of you.
Hang in there kiddo! 🙂
Crunchy Frugalista says
Thanks Laurie, love Bayla
Jewels says
Bayla is a strong, well spoken little girl. Despite the stupid people today, she’s right. She is beautiful and the doctors will figure out what is going on, but those people will always be stupid. Give her a hug from me and tell her I’m proud of her. <3
Crunchy Frugalista says
She says thank you Aunt Jewels, and yep people are stupid haha
christi baham willie says
FIRST, she is so cute and that smile is the cutest!!! Tell her NEVER lose the smile!!!!
My daughter had MANY issues when born and I had to tote 3 machines, apnea, oxygen, feeding tube machine anywhere we went. I use to stay home b/c I was scared and worried what would be say and would they stare. One day I say “heck with it!” Sure enough one lady couldn’t help herself but stare. So I asked “how would you like it if the table was turned. My baby is NOT a monster or alien. She has issues and is normal to me and to God! So can you kindly turn your head or simply act concerned and ask me what’s wrong!”
She said she was sorry and never thought of things that way! Beauty is what we see and let me tell you, your daughter is beautiful. her smiles takes a heart quick! If people want to say something approach it nicely or simply ask “sorry sweetie I will pray to help you feel better.” No problem but seriously some people want to make you punch kick and scream at them!
So sorry you had deal with that and you are not alone. Many of us have. Me, I will let my daughter when she is older speak for herself if she feels someone staring or making her feel out of place. They need that confidence! Helps them if you ask me. Helps them “leave the house!” Not do what I did and be afraid at first!
God bless you and I will pray she feels better but not change b/c she is beautiful as she is! It makes her the person she is!!!!!
Crunchy Frugalista says
Christi, Hope your little one is doing better. Health issues can be challenging, but they are still perfect the way they are. Good for you for not hiding. That’s one thing when this hit my daughter’s face I told her we wouldn’t do. She is so full of life, and we weren’t going to hide because her face was itchy. Thanks so much for your kind words.
christi baham willie says
Well tell her she was braver than a 30 yr old person…LOL… Says much about her character!!! I admire people like you as a mom!!!
When I saw your post I was so angry b/c people, moms at that can be so viciously rude!
So glad you shared this with all of us. Thank you for sharing something like this and allowing it to be a lesson, a notice to people as a reminder of how society is these days and how we must watch our actions!!!! And a lesson to other kids and maybe adults to see if a child can be brave and not care if something affects her then neither should they!
And tell her she is now a FB & blog celebrity!! Kudos to such a young beautiful girl!
Crunchy Frugalista says
She lit up at the word celebrity lol. Yeah, she inspires me every day. They give me courage I surely didn’t have at their age.
Dessie says
Bayla, if only everyone had the amount of strength, courage, and common sense that you have, then there would be no reason for you to have to deal with idiot people. I love your response for next time this happens.
Crunchy Frugalista says
Big hugs and thanks. Love Bayla
christi baham willie says
Well said Dessie!!! Well said!!!!!
Jessie says
you go Bay! You are beautiful and you know it! You have proven yourself many times over with the strength and grace that most adults do not possess anymore. You are truly precious. *hugs*
Crunchy Frugalista says
Thanks Jessie, love Bayla
Lessie Purpera says
She is GORGEOUS! They are jerks. Look at that smile….could light up a room. And that little nose…
Crunchy Frugalista says
Thanks Lessie 🙂
angela mcneal says
what a good girl!! i understand what she is going through i have 3 different variations or psoriasis on my body, on eon my scalp another on my face and another on my body. i grew up on different meds which made it terribly worse! i spent most of my jr high and high school with itchy very inflamed skin what i use on my face and my body is a fragrance free, sensitive skin lotion. have you tried those. it might help or even some anti itch cream? i am sure you have tried all of those things, you are a good mom but i wanted to share my story.
Crunchy Frugalista says
Angela, thanks for the tips. Yep, we have all that down pat. She will be psyched to know that you can survive school years with psoriasis. I think it’s helping her just knowing so many people out there are just like her.
Kristin says
Poor baby…so sorry she has to suffer at all, let alone have to deal with idiots who don’t think before they speak. People make me crazy.
I like her new answer, though. Good for her.
Crunchy Frugalista says
She was pretty proud of that answer lol.
Tosh says
Kuddos to Bayla! Sometimes us “adults” need to take a lesson from our children! I think Bayla is absolutely BEAUTIFUL!!! She seems full of life, has a positive attitude and a bit spunky! <3 it!!!!
Crunchy Frugalista says
Spunky is not even the word haha. Yeah, there is a lot of things we can learn from our kids.
Laura Miller says
Kudos to her!!! People are so rude! I know that feeling too…my little boy was born with a hemangioma on his face. People would stare, point, and make comments almost every time we were out in public. Even friends would mention it constantly. The hemangioma is finally fading, but those comments won’t be forgotten.
Staci @ 7 on a Shoestring says
You ARE beautiful, Bayla… and wise beyond your years! <3
Crunchy Frugalista says
She says thanks so much **giggle**
Sadie says
I would TOTALLY let her say that, too! Ugh. Coming from kids I could understand, because they don’t know any better. But adults? What purpose do those questions serve other than to be nosy and condescending? As if girls don’t have enough self-esteem issues these days??
Crunchy Frugalista says
After the day she had, I would’ve let her say it too lol. Yeah, no idea what they were thinking. Girls DO already have enough self-esteem problems. That’s why we work hard on her and her sister to make sure they know they both rock.
Emily says
It’s frustrating how everyone seems to believe that children must have filters yet there are so many adults who don’t. She’s a pretty little girl and kids deserve just as much respect as an adult, nobody would ever say such things to a grown woman so why on earth do they think it’s okay to say to a child.
Elle says
Thank you for posting this! My youngest, also your daughter’s age, has a very similar psoriais on his little arms. and he hears it from ALL, and yes, the adults can be the WORST because they “THINK” they are trying to ask out of concern but really sound HORRIBLE in his ears. And yes, our awesome children do become AWESOMELY BRAVE and STRONG to face off with stragers! So tell you AWESOME daughter that she is SUPER and GORGEOUS and our house sends her a BIG OL’ HUG!
Crunchy Frugalista says
Elle, You just made her day to let her know someone her age knows how she feels! I just sent ya an email with a quick question 🙂
Melissa says
She is adorable! And what a strong, brave little girl. I swear, some people are missing a sensitivity chip. I can’t imagine asking that.
Crunchy Frugalista says
Thanks Melissa. Yeah, I kinda feel like they needed their heads examined lol.
Jodi Horsley says
It just breaks my heart that Bayla has suffered so much with this skin condition. She seems to be an amazing young girl with amazing strength. Adults, as well as kids, can be very insensitive and not so smart sometimes – kudos’ to Bayla for being the “adult”. I think she is right on target for her response the next time someone asks her about her face.
My daughter has psoriasis too, and although it’s not on her face it is in a very bad spot – in the area where she she pee’s! She goes through periods of itching and everyone is always asking her if she has to use the potty. Psoriasis is a horrible skin condition.
I pray Bayla feel some relief very soon. <3
Crunchy Frugalista says
Oh Jodi, that has got to be so uncomfortable for your daughter. We are lucky and that is one area Bayla doesn’t have it. We will pray for your lil one too!
Ashley @ Cute as a Fox says
Oh my goodness! I can’t believe those adults would say things like that. Bayla, I love that picture of your smiling. You look beautiful. I would love for you to tell some people that you can’t fix stupid. It is hilarious and would teach them a good lesson. Some people really just do not have any clue!
Tree says
Good for her!! She is a beautiful little girl who obviously was blessed with brains too. 🙂
Misty Kearns says
She is beautiful inside and out and kudos to you for teaching her to have confidence in herself at such a young age. I hope she is able to find some treatments to help with the skin issues.
Polly says
I’m so sorry that some adults are just plain stupid and rude. I happen to think you are a very pretty little girl, and you are obviously more mature than most grown ups.
I would probably let you start having a witty comment if you were my little girl – especially to adults. They need to learn to mind their own business.
Brooke L. says
GO BAYLA!! You are your mother’s daughter 🙂 and be proud of that!!!
Crunchy Frugalista says
Awww, thanks Brooke 🙂
Dawn says
oh sweet little girl! No you can’t fix stupid! lol You are beautiful and I love your attitude. Keep smiling sweetheart!
Kelly from Kelly's Lucky You says
I think she looks absolutely beautiful! What a smile and kind eyes…
Please give her a hug and tell her my daughter said she wishes she could be her friend.
Ronni Keller says
Sounds to me like little miss is way more clever than the ‘adults’! I LOVE her come back for ‘next time’. And sadly, there will be a next time… we have the exact same issue over here. Me &the small fry both have psoriasis. It is horrible. That burning, scratching vicious cycle… And for the little ones who gets those questions, it certainly doesn’t make it easier. Ethan’s 5, his theory he said is that his brain is ‘tricking’ him. Making him think scratching is helping when it really makes it worse. I was quite proud of his self discovered theory on that!
You let Bayla know that she is not alone and that yep, sometimes adults are stupid! She’s one step ahead of the game because she’s right, you can’t fix stupid. And, clearly, she’s a smart cookie! <3
Melissa Rheinlander says
She is SO BEAUTIFUL!! I hope that others learn from her calm grace!!
Theresa/Nana says
that’s my Bayla!!! You be sure to let her know that her Nana and Greendad think she is the most beautiful little girl in the world….inside AND out!!! And I think her comment is not only appropriate, but AWESOME!!! I can’t wait to hear the reaction when she actually says that to someone! GO BAYLA!!!
Ashley Goodrich says
I am sorry your daughter had to deal with idiot adults. She is a very beautiful little girl.
Michele says
WOW! I better you are super proud of your daughter for acting more mature about the situation then the adults she encountered that day. I am glad Bayla was able to educate the adults about courtesy and compassion with her humble response toward them.
Thanks for sharing
Michele
Crunchy Frugalista says
Yes, she made me very proud that day. I knew how hard it was to listen to that and she still made great choices!