It’s the beginning of a new year, and you know there are tons of people out there making New Year’s resolutions. Some do it because they have never not made resolutions, others are trying to do it to “improve their lives.” Well, this year the only resolutions I have made is to tell these 7 New Year’s resolutions that they can kiss it. Never has making resolutions made me feel fulfilled or made a magical unicorn of happiness fly across the sky. It’s only ever made me feel like a failure or that I wasn’t one of the cool kids, but I have a sneaky suspicion you might have the same feelings. So, here are a few of “unresolutions” that I am making this year. (You know how I like to buck the establishment)
1. Losing Weight: If I see another Weight Watchers commercial between now and February, I think I might just throw up a little bit. There’s a reason 90% of people fail at losing weight on New Year’s resolutions. You want to know why? It’s because you don’t really want to lose weight. People do it because they believe all the hype that you aren’t awesome if you aren’t skinny. Here’s a news flash folks, I am fat and awesome. So you guys can have your Slim Fast shakes, and I will take my bottles of wine and dark chocolate ;).
2. Giving up a Vice: According to resolutions, I should try to give up a caffeine and alcohol. I think of my vices as protections for those around me. Even my kids believe it to the point they are quite adept at serving me coffee in the morning before even uttering a word. That’s probably because they fear for their lives.
3. Getting rid of that potty mouth: My parents would love if I would take a hold of this resolution, but you know what? It’s a part of me. It’s part of the entire package. I can keep it clean when I need to, but I think it’s quite an awesome skill to use the “f-word” as a verb, noun, and adjective. That is totally something you should be able to put on a resume.
4. Think of others first: As a mom, if anyone tells you you need to think of others first, I think you have the total right (scratch that obligation) to slap them upside the head. As soon as our pretty little eyes open in the morning, we are forced to think of others first. This goes for women in general too, not just moms. It’s time we call the BS and take more time for us. Yes, that means you can kick up your heels, eat your bon bons, and not give a flying flip for at least five minutes daily.
5. Accept Your Family for Who They Are: Don’t get me wrong family is awesome, and definitely top of my priority list. This year I am declaring war on the mean ones. You know, the ones that NEVER have something nice to say. It’s time to cut the dead weight and skip this resolution to be more forgiving. Life’s too short to put up with the BS!
6. Excercise More: Ok, for the record raising the wine glass to the lips is totally an arm workout. Ever wonder why there is such an influx at the gym in January and then by February only the regulars are back there? It’s because some of us just aren’t meant to be gym rats, and that is ok! I love being active like the next person. Take me hiking, cross country skiing, or biking anytime, but stick me in a gym and I would rather have Chinese water torture. This year I am canceling my gym membership, and get his and her massages each month instead. Now that I can resolve to!
7. Have More Patience: If there was a magical wand to grant me patience, I would’ve flown that coop a long time ago. Rather than beat myself up for my lack of patience, this year I am going to embrace it. Don’t be an ass about being impatient, but sometimes wanting instant results is a good thing. It can push you to be awesome (you know you want to be like me ;)). Just find those times that being impatient actually benefits you and rock it!
New Year’s is supposed to be a time of new beginnings, and this year I challenge you to begin and accept yourself as you are! Tell those should’ve, could’ve, would’ves, to kiss it, and start loving yourself a little bit more. You might just find by making these unresolutions you have the best year yet!