Today I was looking for some body positive quotes on Pinterest, and I started to realize something. Though I have been telling you guys to never apologize for being yourself, I hadn’t been practicing what I preached. In fact, this whole blog has been kind of an apology letter for being me. Clear as mud, right? You’ve been getting the “real” me but a watered down version of me.
When I changed the name to Quirky Inspired last year, I did it because I wanted to inspire people to embrace who they are and what they stand for. Sometimes that means being different. Gods know that I am different. It’s something I’ve been told my whole life. For most of my life, I’ve looked at that as a bad thing. When you are a kid, who wants to be different? I sure didn’t. I always wanted to feel like I belonged, but for so many years I never felt that I belonged anywhere. Always the odd person out.
My whole entire life has been concerned with getting people to like me or not upsetting people with my opinions. Normally, I would hold my tongue until I came across something I was really passionate about and then I would blow up like Mount Vesuvius. It’s no wonder so many people would look at me like my head just exploded. They never saw it coming because I never told them what I thought.
All the way through my early twenties, I really hated myself. When I would look at myself, all I saw was a fat, worthless, over emotional piece of garbage. There were even times when I contemplated suicide. Burning myself was a habit that I picked up in my teens as well. There just wasn’t any value to me and I filled my life with people that agreed with that statement.
It wasn’t until I became a mother that I began to really look at who I was. Looking in the mirror, I would see someone that I didn’t like not because of negative self talk, but because I was just a negative, unhappy person. When my girls were born, it really opened my eyes that if I didn’t like being around me why would others. It was embarrassing to see what I had amounted to. I felt worthless, hopeless, and useless.
Taking my life back, and stopping the self loathing, was a really long process. It was hard and lonely. Along the way, I not only lost a marriage, but lost family and friends too. As I brought myself back to life, the toxic friendships and relationships that I had been keeping didn’t like the positive change. It was probably the most emotionally devestating part of my life, but at the same time it was the most emotionally rewarding. Anyone that didn’t accept me for who I was and the changes I was making didn’t need to be in my life. I’ve never looked back since.
Finding myself again started with choosing to change, even if at first it wasn’t for my benefit. When I would talk negatively about myself, I would tell myself to stop. Sometimes I had to do that literally hundreds of times a day. I also began to look at the company I was keeping. So many of my friends and family were negative, toxic people. It was no wonder I could never see a positive thing in my life. That’s why when I stopped listening and participating in the drama that I lost so many “friends.” When I finally believed that I was worth being loyal and supportive to, it even cost me my first marriage.
Slowly but surely I began standing up for myself, and even liking myself again. It’s taken decades, but I’ve gotten much better about this over time. That’s why I owe you guys an apology. I’ve been preaching for you guys to unapologetically be yourself, but when it comes the blog I haven’t been doing the same. See, I am not apologizing for being myself, I am apologizing for not being myself 100%. I’m not helping you by sharing watered down version of what I really think about certain things. That’s not living a quirky, inspired life.
Now 20 years later, I love myself. I am a rock star, a bad ass. The world is my oyster, and that’s what you deserve too. You deserve to love yourself and find what your are passionate about. Stop with all the self loathing and anger and negativity.
With the upcoming podcast, I’ve really been thinking what I wanted to talk to you guys about and began to realize that I’ve been holding back. Sometimes I feel like I am sharing too much of myself, but in reality you guys haven’t really learned much about me at all. Sure you know my dogs’ names and my kids’ names, but you don’t really know me. Well, that stops now.
So what am I really like? I am passionate, opinionated, a smart ass (ok you already knew that), a lover, a fighter, and most of all a determined SOB. Life has kicked me, tumbled me and suffocated me but I always stand up for another round. There’s nothing that life has handed me that I haven’t been able to handle no matter how difficult, and you can too.
From here on out, you are going to get my 100% unfiltered, which I think is an awesome thing because I am a powerhouse of creativity and passion. It’s time that we stop hating ourselves and living crappy lives. It’s time we stop listening to others for our standards of what success and happiness are and define that for ourselves. It’s time to throw worry out the door and give it a swift kick in the ass. Life is so much more amazing when you embrace who you are and find what really inspires you.
It’s scary as hell to put yourself out there, but if I can do it in front of the whole world wide web, then I bet you can manage to do it in real life. Plus, I’ve got your back as well as the whole Quirky Inspired community.
There’s so much fun that’s coming up including the first ever Quirky Inspired podcast where you get to hear my passionate rantings over the web waves, plus Quirky Inspired is now on Periscope where I will be sharing my little tidbits of awesome to help you feel like you can conquer the world. Just search for Quirky Inspired on Periscope to find me.
I built Quirky Inspired to be a great diverse community where people can be themselves and learn to love themselves, unless you’re a jack ass and nobody likes a jack ass. Talk, discuss, embrace each others quirks and never apologize for being yourself. You guys are amazing, and know that I love each and everyone of you guys. You make the Quirky Inspired community what it is, and it’s time to find your super power and embrace it!
Want to get really empowered? Check out this episode of the Quirky Inspired podcast! “Love yourself even if you are a little weird.